My story

When I was 9 years old my parents divorced and, whilst the divorce itself was the ‘easy’ part to deal with, a range of other complexities arose resulting in me having to support those around me. This was a huge burden for me to carry. I took on the hurt and heartbreak of those around me, as well as my own feelings of anger and heartache.

I learnt that the best way to deal with my emotions was by suppressing them. I desperately sought control over my life and consequently developed a number of coping mechanisms. These formed into unhealthy habits, but were the best means I had of gaining control and giving my emotions at outlet. I developed a toxic relationship with food, I slept poorly and I punished myself, which inevitably consumed my life and led to me feeling incredibly insecure and lacking in self-worth.

This insecurity continued through my school years. I pushed against boundaries by every sense of the meaning and in turn had no boundaries in my own life. I learnt to push people away and at times of distress I self-sabotaged. My behaviour led to me feeling unworthy and undeserving which fed into my spiral of negativity. I now recognise that this was because I was craving emotional attention and protection.

My life was spiralling in the wrong direction and whilst I had an idea of what I wanted, I had no idea how to get there. I had cultivated a lack mindset. My goals and ambitions in life seemed far off in the distance, not something tangible that I could take hold of. I knew what I wanted but instead of positively understanding how I could get there, I only saw the blocks standing in my way. I had no idea that I could in fact get to where I wanted to be, if only my mindset allowed and supported me.

Fast forward a number of years, I was in a job I enjoyed and a relationship I valued but something wasn’t right. Something was still missing from my life. My handle over things was slipping away and this time I had lost the energy to grasp it back. I had to find a new way of coping. Something had to give. I was awake to the reality that if I wanted my life to change there was only person who could do this and it was me.

My disengagement from my downward spiral wasn’t a sudden, life-changing event, as it is for so many. My story is one of slowing picking up the broken pieces and figuring out how they fitted back together, of learning how to make small changes to make my life happier. I detached myself from the problems of others and looked inwards at myself. I unraveled my self-destructive behaviour and self-sabotage and taught myself love and self-respect. I learnt of my ability to self-regulate, to lovingly connect inwards and to accept and appreciate myself.

I now know that my darkest days, the times when it seemed that all I could see was my ‘shadow side’ were actually preparing me for a life far greater. I now realise that this ‘shadow side’ makes me who I am, it forms part of my whole. My wounds have created space for a deeper healing and have inspired me to use my experience to help other women who may be experiencing exhaustion, a lack of confidence, fear of losing control and disconnect between their mind body and soul.

Becoming a Mother has shown me that my capabilities are far greater than I ever could have imagine. It has taught me to fully appreciate and accept myself, the importance of conserving my energy for the those things that are most important, and to let go of what no longer serves me. I now know that I am here to set an example to my son and that my healing journey is no longer just about me, but those I love.

Let your story be your super power

My Mission is to enlighten others to this way of thinking. I am here to help women to find courage, to regain their power, to connect their mind, body and soul, and to see the light.